Ben O'Keeffe on panic attacks, criticism and the people who help him review the hard games

Ben O'Keeffe has refereed a Rugby World Cup quarterfinal and more Super Rugby finals than most, and this week he talked about the part of the job nobody sees: the nights after the hard games.

Speaking on the Aotearoa Rugby Pod as an ambassador for New Zealand Rugby's Mind Set Engage programme, the 37-year-old described waking in a sweat after a run of three tough Super Rugby matches, something he only later recognised as a panic attack. He has been through the public side of the job too, including the criticism after the 2023 World Cup quarterfinal and abuse after the 2023 Super Rugby final.

What he does now

O'Keeffe said he now reviews his games with a small group of people he trusts, rather than carrying it alone, and that he has learned to separate fair criticism of a decision from abuse of the person making it. One is part of refereeing. The other is not.

Why it matters at every level

Every Saturday in New Zealand, hundreds of referees run out for club, school and junior games, many of them teenagers in their first seasons with a whistle. The game does not happen without them. Mind Set Engage is New Zealand Rugby's wellbeing programme, built on the idea that talking about pressure is a strength, and O'Keeffe fronting it says the same thing to a 16-year-old referee at a junior game that it says to a Test official: you are allowed to find this hard, and you are not meant to carry it on your own.

If someone in your rugby whānau is struggling, in New Zealand you can call or text 1737, free, any time, to talk with a trained counsellor.